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shiraume_ficTITLE: Sakuran
CHAPTER: 1/6
AUTHOR: Shiraume
RATING: PG-13
GENRE: Angst/Romance
SPOILERS: The entire anime season and manga storyline up to volume 9.
WARNINGS: Not going to bother with shounen ai warning. Possible squick pairing - you've been warned. Set after anime episode 13, the middle of manga volume 9. Hisoka-centric-ish.
PAIRING: Muraki + Hisoka. No, really.
DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine, except the insanity.
SAKURAN
by Shiraume
PART ONE: Chance Meetings
The morning was bright and happy, filled with birds chirping away.
"Ugh...."
Hisoka turned, putting a pillow over his head. He normally did not indulge in oversleeping, but he had had a rough night filled with nightmares, and felt like he had not slept at all. Still, he knew he had to get to work, so he got up slowly, dressed and ate in automation, and walked to Enmacho building. He had gotten up later than usual, so Hisoka skipped his morning practice, and went straight to the Shokan Division office.
"Good morning, Kurosaki-kun, Tsuzuki-san. Please come into my office when you finish cleaning up that mess," Tatsumi said in greeting, indicating the jumble of files littered around their desk. Just when Hisoka was about to reply, he was interrupted by his partner's loud assent.
"Haaaai!!"
Taken aback, the green-eyed shinigami eyed Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki seemed... cheerful. In fact, too cheerful. There was nothing forced or pained about him at all. It was as if he had suddenly forgotten all of the painful experiences in Kyoto. Oh, how Hisoka wished everything that happened in Kyoto was just a nightmare.
"Hisoka, come on!"
"Aa."
Masking his surprise, he followed his over-eager partner who was bounding over to Tatsumi's office. He had to admit, he was curious; Tatsumi rarely called them to his office, save for very special occasions.
"Ah, there you are. Muraki-kun, these two are the ones I told you about."
Hisoka froze. There was someone in Tatsumi's office, and that person bore uncanny resemblance to...
Platinum hair that fell softly against the snow-white skin.
Silver eyes, slit like a cat's.
"Muraki!"
After a moment of surprised silence, Tatsumi was the first to speak.
"Kurosaki-kun, Muraki-kun, do you know each other?"
Hisoka was too shaken to reply, and Tsuzuki, wearing a look of utter confusion, looked back and forth from the two (apparent) youths.
"Hisoka?"
"Please excuse me...but have we met? I'm afraid I can't quite recall."
Something was off. Disregarding for the moment the mildly questioning gaze of Tatsumi and the confusion of Tsuzuki, Hisoka concentrated on Muraki. He seemed different somehow, like...
Like for one, he was physically much younger, almost around Hisoka's age.
"Kurosaki-kun, Tsuzuki-san, this is Muraki Kazutaka-kun, who has just transferred to Shokan. He will be assisting you on a number of assignments from now on, until a suitable partner is chosen for him."
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Kurosaki-san, Tsuzuki-san."
"Yoroshiku na, Kazutaka," Tsuzuki said brightly, but Muraki Kazutaka flinched, and Tsuzuki noted his reaction with surprise.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...it's..." All three watched the silver-haired youth trying visibly to collect himself. Hisoka felt the swirl of violent emotions fleeting through the other boy's mind, clear and identifiable for once. There were many, many emotions, in stark contrast to the adult version of Muraki he had known, but the most prominent ones were pain and fear - a terrifying mixture that chilled him right to the bone.
The Muraki Kazutaka he knew did not feel fear.
Hisoka's mind was still reeling from shock, and he only vaguely noticed that the emotions were settling as Tsuzuki's palpable concern soothed Muraki's sudden agitation.
"It's just that...someone said that to me once, exactly in those words." [1]
"Who?" Pointedly, Tatsumi gave Tsuzuki a look, the same one the secretary always gave him whenever Tsuzuki, well, put his foot in his mouth.
"Saki. He...was my half-brother."
Fortunately for both Muraki and Hisoka (who was vicariously feeling every bit of the troubled emotions Muraki felt), Tsuzuki quickly dropped the subject. Even when he did not understand the whole picture, Tsuzuki was extremely sensitive to others' feelings, and he had instantly noticed the sudden look of pain and fear on Muraki's part.
"I'm sorry if I said something to upset you. I didn't mean to."
"It's quite all right, Tsuzuki-san. Really."
Watari burst in just then, 003 hovering about his ear, and saved them from the awkward moment.
"Yo! So you're the new kid, right? Come on, then! Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew!"
Hisoka was glad to see Watari dragging out the newest addition to the Shokan Division before Tatsumi could object. He desperately needed some time to sort this out. He had not even been able to utter a single syllable since first laying his eyes on the younger version of Muraki.
"Kurosaki-kun, are you all right?" Tatsumi's voice brought him out of his numbed state, and Hisoka tried to gather his thoughts.
"...You said his name was Muraki Kazutaka, right?"
"Yes."
"And he's a shinigami."
"He has been a Juohcho employee for the past sixteen years," Tatsumi replied steadily. If he was taken aback by Hisoka's questions, he did not show it.
"How did he die?" Tsuzuki's curiosity obviously had not been sated. For once, the green-eyed shinigami welcomed his partner's direct if untactful approach. At least it spared him the burden of asking.
"He was murdered by his half-brother, Shidou Saki."
Silence reigned. In their shock, neither shinigami moved or even spoke, but Hisoka could sense a rare surge of anger in usually cool Tatsumi. The only other time he remembered seeing the Enmacho's secretary angry was when Muraki had cornered Tsuzuki with the flesh-eating monsters in Kyoto. Now, Tatsumi's anger was for the sake of none other than Muraki Kazutaka.
"Was his murderer ever punished?" Tsuzuki asked in a subdued tone.
"No. Shidou Saki seems to have disappeared after murdering his entire family. We couldn't find him even with all the resources of Juohcho for the past sixteen years."
"Where was he assigned before?" Tsuzuki was even more wildly curious than usual. If it had been any other time, Hisoka would have found it cute, though he would never admit it.
"Kanto, under Taisencho, by his own request. I believe that's where his family had lived." [2]
"How come we've never met him before?" Hisoka questioned very quietly. Tatsumi was always patient with him, taking into account that Hisoka had been with them for only two years, he supposed.
"He worked as a Juohcho employee, yes, but until recently he wasn't a shinigami. Besides, Shokan Division's parameter within Juohcho is rather limited. There are countless Juohcho employees whom most of the Shokan employees have not and likely will never meet." [3]
"Now that you mention it, I remember hearing about him," Tsuzuki said thoughtfully, earning a mildly exasperated look from Tatsumi, "He's the genius from Taisencho, huh? The workaholic who never took a vacation in sixteen years?"
"Yes, Tsuzuki-san, there are people who actually take their job seriously."
"Tatsumi! So mean!"
Tatsumi ignored him, and went on explaining.
"He was asked to join Shokan Division several times before. He declined, citing as his reason that our duties often involve violent crimes," Tatsumi sharply glanced at the puppy-eared shinigami, in a clear suggestion why Muraki might not like being reminded of his brother, and thus the manner of his own death. Tsuzuki caught on quickly, and looked appropriately contrite.
"I feel so bad for him. I brought back the worst memories for him."
"Yes, probably." Despite the clipped tone, there was a smile lurking under it. In the past, Hisoka had often wondered whether or not Tsuzuki was really that oblivious to the obvious affection underlying Tatsumi's distant behavior.
"Tatsumiiiiii..."
"You should be more careful about what you say, Tsuzuki-san."
"I'll apologize!! I promise!!!"
"You'd better. Now, get back to work. Since you don't have a case yet, why don't you show Muraki-kun around? He will need your help to adjust as quickly as possible."
"Haaaaaai!" Tsuzuki answered for both of them, and bounced out of Tatsumi's office. Numbed by shock, Hisoka followed Tsuzuki outside in silence. As soon as they left the office, however, the two shinigami of Kyushu found Watari jumping from place to place - literally - and dragging a rather surprised Muraki behind him. Incredulous, Hisoka silently watched the silver-haired boy (since that was what Muraki appeared to be) as he was introduced to the rest of the office. He seemed a bit shy, yet friendly and courteous. Terazuma was being polite and civil in his own gruff way, and Wakaba was smiling exuberantly at him.
What is going on? How...
His mortal enemy, the man who had raped and murdered him was right before him in the guise of a beautiful teenager, shy but sweet, with a smile as gentle and fragile as a skittish doe's.
It did not make sense in any stretch of imagination.
How is this possible? Am I dreaming?
The world around Hisoka faded into white nothings, and the noises of the office started to distort as if from a great distance. It was like falling into water and looking up to see the light and sound scattered and distorted through the rippling surface.
"Hisoka?!"
...And Hisoka let himself drift down further.
**********
Hisoka...
Someone was calling. The voice was familiar, yet somehow out of place.
Hisoka...please wake up.
Was he asleep, then?
Open you eyes...I need to talk to you...
He struggled to obey the gentle voice, but his eyelids were so heavy...
I don't have much time...please...
His eyes focused on the dark blue eyes, luminous on a familiar, sweet face framed by the chin-length hair. There was a red camellia tucked behind the left ear, starkly red against the midnight black locks.
"You are finally awake."
"Tsubaki-hime..."
Perhaps he had lost it completely. How else could he be seeing a teenaged version of Muraki and the dead Tsubaki-hime?
"Hisoka, I don't have much time, so listen closely."
"Am I dreaming...?"
"Yes. Yes, you are. So listen. I brought you into your dream to talk to you."
"I saw Muraki... Now I see you. Are you real?"
"Hisoka, the sensei you saw is real. He is what he might have been if Saki had not been in his life. Saki drove him mad, Hisoka. He took everything from sensei. And for sixteen years, his heart was corrupted beyond repair. But now, you see, that never happened."
"What are you talking about?"
"The sensei you and I know...his brother Saki tried to kill him when they were both sixteen, but Saki was killed by a servant before he could succeed. That changed sensei. But what if Saki did succeed? This is the "what if," Hisoka. Sensei was the one who died, and so remained unchanged. Do you understand?"
"How is this possible? Is that," Hisoka gestured vaguely with his hand, "world even real?"
"It's the same world you've been living in, just altered slightly by what you wished."
"What? When did I wish for this to happen?"
"You wished the 'monster' in sensei had never been born. And he has not, because he did not ever have a chance to."
You see...he was not very different from you once...
Where had he heard those words before? Another, colder fear seized his heart in an icy grip, reminding him. Trying his best to keep his eyes fixed on Tsubaki-hime's, he forced out the words.
"But what happened to me...am I the only person who remembers...that?"
She did not answer, but the young shinigami knew it was not because she did not understand what he was asking.
"Did it even happen...?"
Tsubaki-hime was looking at him with such sympathy and understanding, and Hisoka would have fidgeted in discomfort had he been his usual self. The guilt-ridden look of Tsubaki-hime told him the answer, and a sudden, humorless laugh escaped him.
"So, it was still my lot in life to be raped and murdered by some sick, psychotic, murdering monster."
"Hisoka...I'm sorry."
"What are you? How did you do this?"
Tsubaki-hime looked strangely sad for few minutes, her eyes gazing into the distance without focusing on anything.
"There are different ways the lost souls can redeem themselves after the Juohcho's judgment. I chose to serve a higher power that oversees the fate of this world. It is the higher power that granted your wish; I am merely its agent."
"So you changed what happened?"
"...No. You did."
"Right. I wished it."
"I know it didn't quite turn out the way you would have expected, but yes. You wished to be free of sensei. You wished for it more than anything else."
"So I became free of him, only to be claimed by another like him?"
"Hisoka..."
"Do I even know who it was?" She remained silent. After a moment, Hisoka laughed bitterly. "Forget I asked. Why should you even tell me? I murdered you, after all."
Warm arms went around him, and Hisoka nearly flinched away, but Tsubaki-hime held on. Her slim shoulders shook silently, and guilt crashed down on him as he realized that she was crying.
"Tsubaki-hime, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."
"No, you're right. I should tell you everything. But I can't. Please, Hisoka, believe me. This is a second chance, as much for you as for him. Neither the fate nor the world has really changed. They merely shifted. You might even say that the fate was cheated in a way. But changing the fate itself - that's far beyond what I am allowed to do. The power that I serve would never allow it."
"Why do I remember the world as it was before, while apparently no one else does?"
"Because you are the one who made the wish. You alone are responsible for your wish. And I am not allowed to tamper with your memories."
"Wonderful." Hisoka's tone was flat.
"Hisoka..."
"The incident at Kyoto...it didn't happen as I remember it, did it?" The memories of Kyoto were still fresh in his mind, and often brought a chill in his heart whenever he remembered just how close he came to losing Tsuzuki for good.
"You and Tsuzuki-san were assigned to that case, but it was a relatively simple case involving illegal human cloning. Same with Queen Camellia. Everything in your life happened as you remember, except Muraki-sensei wasn't involved in any of them."
"So that's why Tsuzuki is..."
"He doesn't remember because for him, the Kyoto incident was nothing like how you remember it. To him, it was just another assignment, nothing special. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I wish there was something I could do."
With pained resignation, Hisoka looked away.
"In a way, I'm glad," he whispered, "because that means Tsuzuki never had to go through so much horror."
"You are too kind..."
The voice was fainter, and the body that pressed against his felt less substantial. Hisoka's eyes widened as Tsubaki-hime's body became transparent and immaterial, dissolving into the air around them.
"Tsubaki-hime!"
"I'm sorry... I have to go now."
"Will I ever see you again?" slipped out before he could stop himself, and the young shinigami flushed as the girl smiled.
"Perhaps..." her whisper lingered even after she disappeared.
**********
"HISOKA!!!!!"
Green eyes opened, unfocused and staring.
"Tsuzuki-san, please calm down! Kurosaki-san will be all right."
When his eyes finally focused, he saw a pair of perfect, silvery eyes looking down at him with concern.
"Are you alright, Kurosaki-san? How do you feel?" The voice was different, slightly higher in pitch, warmer, and Hisoka could almost forget this was Muraki.
"...okay..."
"Do you feel lightheaded?"
"No."
"Try to sit up. Here, let me help you."
Hisoka reflexively flinched, but the hands that helped him up were warm and gentle, two traits he associated simultaneously only with Tsuzuki. The boy almost relented. Almost.
"I'm fine," the boy shinigami snapped with more force than necessary, and felt Muraki's emotions shift from surprise to hurt. He would have felt guilty, if the other had been anyone but Muraki.
"Wait, you shouldn't -"
Before he could stop himself, Hisoka flinched and jerked out of the other boy's reach.
"I said I'm FINE!"
The Shokan staff was stunned, the empath could feel, judging from various emotions flowing into him. He was reserved and sometimes irritable, but never this rude. His apparently ungracious and ungrateful behavior seemed to have shocked his colleagues.
"Thank you for your concern," Hisoka bit out before he walked away, away from all those emotions pouring in like the monsoon rain. The emotions were not voices, however, and he could not shut them out by slamming the office door. So he walked away quickly, to be alone, and to think.
Meanwhile, in the office, Muraki Kazutaka looked after the door which had closed behind the green-eyed shinigami, vaguely hurt and not a little confused.
"Ah...Muraki-san...I don't know what's with Kurosaki-kun today, but usually he's very nice." Wakaba's worried voice reached his ears, kind and reassuring.
"Yeah. He probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Don't worry about it, kiddo. Bon's all right. Don't let it bother you."
Muraki managed a smile at Watari, but said nothing.
"Um, yeah. Why don't you come with me? I can show you around and stuff," Tsuzuki was worried about his partner, but knew from experience going after him now would aggravate Hisoka even further. Besides, Muraki looked like he could use an assurance or two, no matter how he tried to hide it.
"Yeah, he has nothing better to do anyway. He is the oldest and most useless worker of all Enmacho," Terazuma's comment was clearly aimed at Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki rounded on him with familiar irritation, others momentarily forgotten.
"Shut up, Terazuma!!"
The silver-haired boy's smile became less forced, and Watari shooed him and Tsuzuki out of the office, knowing that Tsuzuki's usual friendliness would work its charm quickly enough. As they navigated through the corridors, Tsuzuki exuberantly rattled off the facts about various Enmacho offices, employees, and most importantly, the food locations. Muraki listened politely, occasionally asking questions.
"Tsuzuki-san..."
"You can just call me Tsuzuki," came the easy answer.
"It does not sound appropriate," Muraki objected. Politeness had been hammered into him since birth, and it was difficult to forgo, even after death.
"All right, then. Call me whatever you want. I don't mind!"
"Ah, well..." he skirted the issue for the moment, "Was it something I did? Kurosaki-san, I mean. He is your partner, right? You must know."
"Yeah. You see, Hisoka - ah, well, he has a hard time around other people, bad experiences, empathy and all. You have to be patient, but he's really a nice person."
"You seem to care about him a lot." Muraki kept his tone neutral, not wishing to appear prying.
"Well...he's my partner."
"He's lucky, then," a smile curled the boy's lips, delicate shade of a sakura blossom. The smile on the beautiful face was enough to make Tsuzuki return it eagerly, and the older shinigami placed a hand on the other boy's head, mussing the hair a little.
"Cheer up. Hisoka doesn't mean anything by it. Trust me."
"Okay."
"Um, Kazu - Muraki-kun -"
Muraki smiled gently at Tsuzuki's attempt to correct the earlier 'mistake'.
"It's all right. Please just call me Kazutaka."
"Is that alright?"
"Yes, of course. That's how my friends called me when I was younger, when I lived in Kyoto."
"Oh. Okay, then. If you don't mind."
"I don't," the younger shinigami returned genuinely. Tsuzuki exuded the kind of kindness and warmth he had only ever felt from Ukyou. The edges of his smile turned wistful as he remembered. He could only watch, forever a spectator but never a participant, as Ukyou grew up and turned into a beautiful woman. She had remained single, Muraki knew that much, although he could not guess why. He did know that she and Oriya saw each other occasionally, and were involved semi-romantically; he had seen them together once, while he was out on an assignment. It did not make him jealous to know that his best friend and childhood crush were involved with each other. He knew the two of them would be perfect for each other, but still...
It made him feel even lonelier, to watch them as they moved on with their lives, unable to contact them or even alert his presence in any way. He wished far too often that he could be part of their life once again, though he knew it was impossible. The knowledge did nothing to dull his loneliness and longing for his lost life.
Muraki closed his eyes.
A warm hand settled on his shoulder, and Muraki opened his eyes to find a pair of amethyst eyes fixed on him.
"Are you all right?"
"...Yes. I was just thinking."
"Do you miss Kyoto?"
"In a way. I lived there for a long time before moving to Tokyo. Have you ever been to Kyoto?"
"Yes. Kyoto is one of my former areas. Tatsumi and I used to work there before we split up."
"Tatsumi-san? You two were partners?" The Enmacho secretary had not mentioned this to him. Did Shokan Division have a "don't ask, don't tell" rule or something?
"Yeah. I've been around for a while."
"Tsuzuki-san, is it true that you are a senior employee here?"
"Did Konoe-kachou tell you that?"
"No, Watari-san."
"He did, did he? What else did he say?" Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed, only half in jest. Damn Watari and his big mouth... If there were any gossips going around in the office, Watari could be trusted to remember and recite all of them by heart, in chronological order.
"Not...much," Muraki answered, barely hiding his mirth, "I was just wondering if you could teach me few things. I heard you can summon twelve shikigami."
"Oh. That." Tsuzuki's eyes darkened for a second, but it passed before Muraki could notice. "I'll be glad to help you with anything you need."
"Thank you so much, Tsuzuki-san."
"You're welcome!"
Looking at Tsuzuki's exuberant smile, Muraki felt his darker thoughts dissipating like the mist under the sun. His experience at Kyushu was promising to be quite interesting already.
END OF PART ONE
A/N:
[1] Believe or not, this is important, and will be made clear later. Also, Tsuzuki is very informal with other people including Hisoka (he calls Hisoka by his first name from fairly early on, unlike Tatsumi, who still calls him "Kurosaki-kun"), so I assume he would be with Kazutaka, too. It would be considered slightly rude, however, in a more formal setting or between adults.
[2] Kanto includes Tokyo, and Kyoto is under Kinki. Muraki in original Yamiverse is a doctor at a Tokyo hospital. I have no idea whether his family lived there or not, but for the purpose of this fanfiction, they did. Further information about the regions can be found at: www.jinjapan.org
[3] This is part that is a bit hazy, since Matsushita-sensei does not explain Juohcho in details in Yami no Matsuei. From what she tells us in her "Basic Juohcho Lecture I," there are ten departments, listed here from the First to the Tenth Block: Shinkoucho (Okinawa), Shokoucho (Kyushu), Souteicho (Shikoku), Gokancho (Chugoku), Enmacho (Tokyo), Henjoucho (Kinki), Taisencho (Kanto), Heizeicho (Tohoku), Toshicho (Hokkaido), and Godoutenincho (Chubu).
"Basic Juohcho Lecture I" is found at the back of Yami manga volume one, and a translated version is available at the wonderful Theria.net.
All ten department seem to have employees (like the Kanawa sisters from Souteicho) in Yami no Matsuei, but whether the title "shinigami" applies to all division, I have some doubt. (Please note in my fanfiction Tatsumi initially replies that Muraki is "a Juohcho employee.") But I would like to point out that Shokan is probably not the only division under Enmacho, since if it is there would be only eighteen employees in Enmacho altogether, which makes little sense to me. Her manga's premise of shinigami actually bases itself on Asian myths about the gods' realm, but not everything accords with the traditional myths, so please make your own judgments.
All the corrections were made possible by: Aeanagwen and Evil Asian Genius. Thank you!
CHAPTER: 1/6
AUTHOR: Shiraume
RATING: PG-13
GENRE: Angst/Romance
SPOILERS: The entire anime season and manga storyline up to volume 9.
WARNINGS: Not going to bother with shounen ai warning. Possible squick pairing - you've been warned. Set after anime episode 13, the middle of manga volume 9. Hisoka-centric-ish.
PAIRING: Muraki + Hisoka. No, really.
DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine, except the insanity.
by Shiraume
PART ONE: Chance Meetings
The morning was bright and happy, filled with birds chirping away.
"Ugh...."
Hisoka turned, putting a pillow over his head. He normally did not indulge in oversleeping, but he had had a rough night filled with nightmares, and felt like he had not slept at all. Still, he knew he had to get to work, so he got up slowly, dressed and ate in automation, and walked to Enmacho building. He had gotten up later than usual, so Hisoka skipped his morning practice, and went straight to the Shokan Division office.
"Good morning, Kurosaki-kun, Tsuzuki-san. Please come into my office when you finish cleaning up that mess," Tatsumi said in greeting, indicating the jumble of files littered around their desk. Just when Hisoka was about to reply, he was interrupted by his partner's loud assent.
"Haaaai!!"
Taken aback, the green-eyed shinigami eyed Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki seemed... cheerful. In fact, too cheerful. There was nothing forced or pained about him at all. It was as if he had suddenly forgotten all of the painful experiences in Kyoto. Oh, how Hisoka wished everything that happened in Kyoto was just a nightmare.
"Hisoka, come on!"
"Aa."
Masking his surprise, he followed his over-eager partner who was bounding over to Tatsumi's office. He had to admit, he was curious; Tatsumi rarely called them to his office, save for very special occasions.
"Ah, there you are. Muraki-kun, these two are the ones I told you about."
Hisoka froze. There was someone in Tatsumi's office, and that person bore uncanny resemblance to...
Platinum hair that fell softly against the snow-white skin.
Silver eyes, slit like a cat's.
"Muraki!"
After a moment of surprised silence, Tatsumi was the first to speak.
"Kurosaki-kun, Muraki-kun, do you know each other?"
Hisoka was too shaken to reply, and Tsuzuki, wearing a look of utter confusion, looked back and forth from the two (apparent) youths.
"Hisoka?"
"Please excuse me...but have we met? I'm afraid I can't quite recall."
Something was off. Disregarding for the moment the mildly questioning gaze of Tatsumi and the confusion of Tsuzuki, Hisoka concentrated on Muraki. He seemed different somehow, like...
Like for one, he was physically much younger, almost around Hisoka's age.
"Kurosaki-kun, Tsuzuki-san, this is Muraki Kazutaka-kun, who has just transferred to Shokan. He will be assisting you on a number of assignments from now on, until a suitable partner is chosen for him."
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Kurosaki-san, Tsuzuki-san."
"Yoroshiku na, Kazutaka," Tsuzuki said brightly, but Muraki Kazutaka flinched, and Tsuzuki noted his reaction with surprise.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...it's..." All three watched the silver-haired youth trying visibly to collect himself. Hisoka felt the swirl of violent emotions fleeting through the other boy's mind, clear and identifiable for once. There were many, many emotions, in stark contrast to the adult version of Muraki he had known, but the most prominent ones were pain and fear - a terrifying mixture that chilled him right to the bone.
The Muraki Kazutaka he knew did not feel fear.
Hisoka's mind was still reeling from shock, and he only vaguely noticed that the emotions were settling as Tsuzuki's palpable concern soothed Muraki's sudden agitation.
"It's just that...someone said that to me once, exactly in those words." [1]
"Who?" Pointedly, Tatsumi gave Tsuzuki a look, the same one the secretary always gave him whenever Tsuzuki, well, put his foot in his mouth.
"Saki. He...was my half-brother."
Fortunately for both Muraki and Hisoka (who was vicariously feeling every bit of the troubled emotions Muraki felt), Tsuzuki quickly dropped the subject. Even when he did not understand the whole picture, Tsuzuki was extremely sensitive to others' feelings, and he had instantly noticed the sudden look of pain and fear on Muraki's part.
"I'm sorry if I said something to upset you. I didn't mean to."
"It's quite all right, Tsuzuki-san. Really."
Watari burst in just then, 003 hovering about his ear, and saved them from the awkward moment.
"Yo! So you're the new kid, right? Come on, then! Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew!"
Hisoka was glad to see Watari dragging out the newest addition to the Shokan Division before Tatsumi could object. He desperately needed some time to sort this out. He had not even been able to utter a single syllable since first laying his eyes on the younger version of Muraki.
"Kurosaki-kun, are you all right?" Tatsumi's voice brought him out of his numbed state, and Hisoka tried to gather his thoughts.
"...You said his name was Muraki Kazutaka, right?"
"Yes."
"And he's a shinigami."
"He has been a Juohcho employee for the past sixteen years," Tatsumi replied steadily. If he was taken aback by Hisoka's questions, he did not show it.
"How did he die?" Tsuzuki's curiosity obviously had not been sated. For once, the green-eyed shinigami welcomed his partner's direct if untactful approach. At least it spared him the burden of asking.
"He was murdered by his half-brother, Shidou Saki."
Silence reigned. In their shock, neither shinigami moved or even spoke, but Hisoka could sense a rare surge of anger in usually cool Tatsumi. The only other time he remembered seeing the Enmacho's secretary angry was when Muraki had cornered Tsuzuki with the flesh-eating monsters in Kyoto. Now, Tatsumi's anger was for the sake of none other than Muraki Kazutaka.
"Was his murderer ever punished?" Tsuzuki asked in a subdued tone.
"No. Shidou Saki seems to have disappeared after murdering his entire family. We couldn't find him even with all the resources of Juohcho for the past sixteen years."
"Where was he assigned before?" Tsuzuki was even more wildly curious than usual. If it had been any other time, Hisoka would have found it cute, though he would never admit it.
"Kanto, under Taisencho, by his own request. I believe that's where his family had lived." [2]
"How come we've never met him before?" Hisoka questioned very quietly. Tatsumi was always patient with him, taking into account that Hisoka had been with them for only two years, he supposed.
"He worked as a Juohcho employee, yes, but until recently he wasn't a shinigami. Besides, Shokan Division's parameter within Juohcho is rather limited. There are countless Juohcho employees whom most of the Shokan employees have not and likely will never meet." [3]
"Now that you mention it, I remember hearing about him," Tsuzuki said thoughtfully, earning a mildly exasperated look from Tatsumi, "He's the genius from Taisencho, huh? The workaholic who never took a vacation in sixteen years?"
"Yes, Tsuzuki-san, there are people who actually take their job seriously."
"Tatsumi! So mean!"
Tatsumi ignored him, and went on explaining.
"He was asked to join Shokan Division several times before. He declined, citing as his reason that our duties often involve violent crimes," Tatsumi sharply glanced at the puppy-eared shinigami, in a clear suggestion why Muraki might not like being reminded of his brother, and thus the manner of his own death. Tsuzuki caught on quickly, and looked appropriately contrite.
"I feel so bad for him. I brought back the worst memories for him."
"Yes, probably." Despite the clipped tone, there was a smile lurking under it. In the past, Hisoka had often wondered whether or not Tsuzuki was really that oblivious to the obvious affection underlying Tatsumi's distant behavior.
"Tatsumiiiiii..."
"You should be more careful about what you say, Tsuzuki-san."
"I'll apologize!! I promise!!!"
"You'd better. Now, get back to work. Since you don't have a case yet, why don't you show Muraki-kun around? He will need your help to adjust as quickly as possible."
"Haaaaaai!" Tsuzuki answered for both of them, and bounced out of Tatsumi's office. Numbed by shock, Hisoka followed Tsuzuki outside in silence. As soon as they left the office, however, the two shinigami of Kyushu found Watari jumping from place to place - literally - and dragging a rather surprised Muraki behind him. Incredulous, Hisoka silently watched the silver-haired boy (since that was what Muraki appeared to be) as he was introduced to the rest of the office. He seemed a bit shy, yet friendly and courteous. Terazuma was being polite and civil in his own gruff way, and Wakaba was smiling exuberantly at him.
What is going on? How...
His mortal enemy, the man who had raped and murdered him was right before him in the guise of a beautiful teenager, shy but sweet, with a smile as gentle and fragile as a skittish doe's.
It did not make sense in any stretch of imagination.
How is this possible? Am I dreaming?
The world around Hisoka faded into white nothings, and the noises of the office started to distort as if from a great distance. It was like falling into water and looking up to see the light and sound scattered and distorted through the rippling surface.
"Hisoka?!"
...And Hisoka let himself drift down further.
Hisoka...
Someone was calling. The voice was familiar, yet somehow out of place.
Hisoka...please wake up.
Was he asleep, then?
Open you eyes...I need to talk to you...
He struggled to obey the gentle voice, but his eyelids were so heavy...
I don't have much time...please...
His eyes focused on the dark blue eyes, luminous on a familiar, sweet face framed by the chin-length hair. There was a red camellia tucked behind the left ear, starkly red against the midnight black locks.
"You are finally awake."
"Tsubaki-hime..."
Perhaps he had lost it completely. How else could he be seeing a teenaged version of Muraki and the dead Tsubaki-hime?
"Hisoka, I don't have much time, so listen closely."
"Am I dreaming...?"
"Yes. Yes, you are. So listen. I brought you into your dream to talk to you."
"I saw Muraki... Now I see you. Are you real?"
"Hisoka, the sensei you saw is real. He is what he might have been if Saki had not been in his life. Saki drove him mad, Hisoka. He took everything from sensei. And for sixteen years, his heart was corrupted beyond repair. But now, you see, that never happened."
"What are you talking about?"
"The sensei you and I know...his brother Saki tried to kill him when they were both sixteen, but Saki was killed by a servant before he could succeed. That changed sensei. But what if Saki did succeed? This is the "what if," Hisoka. Sensei was the one who died, and so remained unchanged. Do you understand?"
"How is this possible? Is that," Hisoka gestured vaguely with his hand, "world even real?"
"It's the same world you've been living in, just altered slightly by what you wished."
"What? When did I wish for this to happen?"
"You wished the 'monster' in sensei had never been born. And he has not, because he did not ever have a chance to."
You see...he was not very different from you once...
Where had he heard those words before? Another, colder fear seized his heart in an icy grip, reminding him. Trying his best to keep his eyes fixed on Tsubaki-hime's, he forced out the words.
"But what happened to me...am I the only person who remembers...that?"
She did not answer, but the young shinigami knew it was not because she did not understand what he was asking.
"Did it even happen...?"
Tsubaki-hime was looking at him with such sympathy and understanding, and Hisoka would have fidgeted in discomfort had he been his usual self. The guilt-ridden look of Tsubaki-hime told him the answer, and a sudden, humorless laugh escaped him.
"So, it was still my lot in life to be raped and murdered by some sick, psychotic, murdering monster."
"Hisoka...I'm sorry."
"What are you? How did you do this?"
Tsubaki-hime looked strangely sad for few minutes, her eyes gazing into the distance without focusing on anything.
"There are different ways the lost souls can redeem themselves after the Juohcho's judgment. I chose to serve a higher power that oversees the fate of this world. It is the higher power that granted your wish; I am merely its agent."
"So you changed what happened?"
"...No. You did."
"Right. I wished it."
"I know it didn't quite turn out the way you would have expected, but yes. You wished to be free of sensei. You wished for it more than anything else."
"So I became free of him, only to be claimed by another like him?"
"Hisoka..."
"Do I even know who it was?" She remained silent. After a moment, Hisoka laughed bitterly. "Forget I asked. Why should you even tell me? I murdered you, after all."
Warm arms went around him, and Hisoka nearly flinched away, but Tsubaki-hime held on. Her slim shoulders shook silently, and guilt crashed down on him as he realized that she was crying.
"Tsubaki-hime, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."
"No, you're right. I should tell you everything. But I can't. Please, Hisoka, believe me. This is a second chance, as much for you as for him. Neither the fate nor the world has really changed. They merely shifted. You might even say that the fate was cheated in a way. But changing the fate itself - that's far beyond what I am allowed to do. The power that I serve would never allow it."
"Why do I remember the world as it was before, while apparently no one else does?"
"Because you are the one who made the wish. You alone are responsible for your wish. And I am not allowed to tamper with your memories."
"Wonderful." Hisoka's tone was flat.
"Hisoka..."
"The incident at Kyoto...it didn't happen as I remember it, did it?" The memories of Kyoto were still fresh in his mind, and often brought a chill in his heart whenever he remembered just how close he came to losing Tsuzuki for good.
"You and Tsuzuki-san were assigned to that case, but it was a relatively simple case involving illegal human cloning. Same with Queen Camellia. Everything in your life happened as you remember, except Muraki-sensei wasn't involved in any of them."
"So that's why Tsuzuki is..."
"He doesn't remember because for him, the Kyoto incident was nothing like how you remember it. To him, it was just another assignment, nothing special. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I wish there was something I could do."
With pained resignation, Hisoka looked away.
"In a way, I'm glad," he whispered, "because that means Tsuzuki never had to go through so much horror."
"You are too kind..."
The voice was fainter, and the body that pressed against his felt less substantial. Hisoka's eyes widened as Tsubaki-hime's body became transparent and immaterial, dissolving into the air around them.
"Tsubaki-hime!"
"I'm sorry... I have to go now."
"Will I ever see you again?" slipped out before he could stop himself, and the young shinigami flushed as the girl smiled.
"Perhaps..." her whisper lingered even after she disappeared.
"HISOKA!!!!!"
Green eyes opened, unfocused and staring.
"Tsuzuki-san, please calm down! Kurosaki-san will be all right."
When his eyes finally focused, he saw a pair of perfect, silvery eyes looking down at him with concern.
"Are you alright, Kurosaki-san? How do you feel?" The voice was different, slightly higher in pitch, warmer, and Hisoka could almost forget this was Muraki.
"...okay..."
"Do you feel lightheaded?"
"No."
"Try to sit up. Here, let me help you."
Hisoka reflexively flinched, but the hands that helped him up were warm and gentle, two traits he associated simultaneously only with Tsuzuki. The boy almost relented. Almost.
"I'm fine," the boy shinigami snapped with more force than necessary, and felt Muraki's emotions shift from surprise to hurt. He would have felt guilty, if the other had been anyone but Muraki.
"Wait, you shouldn't -"
Before he could stop himself, Hisoka flinched and jerked out of the other boy's reach.
"I said I'm FINE!"
The Shokan staff was stunned, the empath could feel, judging from various emotions flowing into him. He was reserved and sometimes irritable, but never this rude. His apparently ungracious and ungrateful behavior seemed to have shocked his colleagues.
"Thank you for your concern," Hisoka bit out before he walked away, away from all those emotions pouring in like the monsoon rain. The emotions were not voices, however, and he could not shut them out by slamming the office door. So he walked away quickly, to be alone, and to think.
Meanwhile, in the office, Muraki Kazutaka looked after the door which had closed behind the green-eyed shinigami, vaguely hurt and not a little confused.
"Ah...Muraki-san...I don't know what's with Kurosaki-kun today, but usually he's very nice." Wakaba's worried voice reached his ears, kind and reassuring.
"Yeah. He probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Don't worry about it, kiddo. Bon's all right. Don't let it bother you."
Muraki managed a smile at Watari, but said nothing.
"Um, yeah. Why don't you come with me? I can show you around and stuff," Tsuzuki was worried about his partner, but knew from experience going after him now would aggravate Hisoka even further. Besides, Muraki looked like he could use an assurance or two, no matter how he tried to hide it.
"Yeah, he has nothing better to do anyway. He is the oldest and most useless worker of all Enmacho," Terazuma's comment was clearly aimed at Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki rounded on him with familiar irritation, others momentarily forgotten.
"Shut up, Terazuma!!"
The silver-haired boy's smile became less forced, and Watari shooed him and Tsuzuki out of the office, knowing that Tsuzuki's usual friendliness would work its charm quickly enough. As they navigated through the corridors, Tsuzuki exuberantly rattled off the facts about various Enmacho offices, employees, and most importantly, the food locations. Muraki listened politely, occasionally asking questions.
"Tsuzuki-san..."
"You can just call me Tsuzuki," came the easy answer.
"It does not sound appropriate," Muraki objected. Politeness had been hammered into him since birth, and it was difficult to forgo, even after death.
"All right, then. Call me whatever you want. I don't mind!"
"Ah, well..." he skirted the issue for the moment, "Was it something I did? Kurosaki-san, I mean. He is your partner, right? You must know."
"Yeah. You see, Hisoka - ah, well, he has a hard time around other people, bad experiences, empathy and all. You have to be patient, but he's really a nice person."
"You seem to care about him a lot." Muraki kept his tone neutral, not wishing to appear prying.
"Well...he's my partner."
"He's lucky, then," a smile curled the boy's lips, delicate shade of a sakura blossom. The smile on the beautiful face was enough to make Tsuzuki return it eagerly, and the older shinigami placed a hand on the other boy's head, mussing the hair a little.
"Cheer up. Hisoka doesn't mean anything by it. Trust me."
"Okay."
"Um, Kazu - Muraki-kun -"
Muraki smiled gently at Tsuzuki's attempt to correct the earlier 'mistake'.
"It's all right. Please just call me Kazutaka."
"Is that alright?"
"Yes, of course. That's how my friends called me when I was younger, when I lived in Kyoto."
"Oh. Okay, then. If you don't mind."
"I don't," the younger shinigami returned genuinely. Tsuzuki exuded the kind of kindness and warmth he had only ever felt from Ukyou. The edges of his smile turned wistful as he remembered. He could only watch, forever a spectator but never a participant, as Ukyou grew up and turned into a beautiful woman. She had remained single, Muraki knew that much, although he could not guess why. He did know that she and Oriya saw each other occasionally, and were involved semi-romantically; he had seen them together once, while he was out on an assignment. It did not make him jealous to know that his best friend and childhood crush were involved with each other. He knew the two of them would be perfect for each other, but still...
It made him feel even lonelier, to watch them as they moved on with their lives, unable to contact them or even alert his presence in any way. He wished far too often that he could be part of their life once again, though he knew it was impossible. The knowledge did nothing to dull his loneliness and longing for his lost life.
Muraki closed his eyes.
A warm hand settled on his shoulder, and Muraki opened his eyes to find a pair of amethyst eyes fixed on him.
"Are you all right?"
"...Yes. I was just thinking."
"Do you miss Kyoto?"
"In a way. I lived there for a long time before moving to Tokyo. Have you ever been to Kyoto?"
"Yes. Kyoto is one of my former areas. Tatsumi and I used to work there before we split up."
"Tatsumi-san? You two were partners?" The Enmacho secretary had not mentioned this to him. Did Shokan Division have a "don't ask, don't tell" rule or something?
"Yeah. I've been around for a while."
"Tsuzuki-san, is it true that you are a senior employee here?"
"Did Konoe-kachou tell you that?"
"No, Watari-san."
"He did, did he? What else did he say?" Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed, only half in jest. Damn Watari and his big mouth... If there were any gossips going around in the office, Watari could be trusted to remember and recite all of them by heart, in chronological order.
"Not...much," Muraki answered, barely hiding his mirth, "I was just wondering if you could teach me few things. I heard you can summon twelve shikigami."
"Oh. That." Tsuzuki's eyes darkened for a second, but it passed before Muraki could notice. "I'll be glad to help you with anything you need."
"Thank you so much, Tsuzuki-san."
"You're welcome!"
Looking at Tsuzuki's exuberant smile, Muraki felt his darker thoughts dissipating like the mist under the sun. His experience at Kyushu was promising to be quite interesting already.
A/N:
[1] Believe or not, this is important, and will be made clear later. Also, Tsuzuki is very informal with other people including Hisoka (he calls Hisoka by his first name from fairly early on, unlike Tatsumi, who still calls him "Kurosaki-kun"), so I assume he would be with Kazutaka, too. It would be considered slightly rude, however, in a more formal setting or between adults.
[2] Kanto includes Tokyo, and Kyoto is under Kinki. Muraki in original Yamiverse is a doctor at a Tokyo hospital. I have no idea whether his family lived there or not, but for the purpose of this fanfiction, they did. Further information about the regions can be found at: www.jinjapan.org
[3] This is part that is a bit hazy, since Matsushita-sensei does not explain Juohcho in details in Yami no Matsuei. From what she tells us in her "Basic Juohcho Lecture I," there are ten departments, listed here from the First to the Tenth Block: Shinkoucho (Okinawa), Shokoucho (Kyushu), Souteicho (Shikoku), Gokancho (Chugoku), Enmacho (Tokyo), Henjoucho (Kinki), Taisencho (Kanto), Heizeicho (Tohoku), Toshicho (Hokkaido), and Godoutenincho (Chubu).
"Basic Juohcho Lecture I" is found at the back of Yami manga volume one, and a translated version is available at the wonderful Theria.net.
All ten department seem to have employees (like the Kanawa sisters from Souteicho) in Yami no Matsuei, but whether the title "shinigami" applies to all division, I have some doubt. (Please note in my fanfiction Tatsumi initially replies that Muraki is "a Juohcho employee.") But I would like to point out that Shokan is probably not the only division under Enmacho, since if it is there would be only eighteen employees in Enmacho altogether, which makes little sense to me. Her manga's premise of shinigami actually bases itself on Asian myths about the gods' realm, but not everything accords with the traditional myths, so please make your own judgments.
All the corrections were made possible by: Aeanagwen and Evil Asian Genius. Thank you!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-12 10:44 pm (UTC)Would you believe me if I told you that by now my eyes turned into hearts?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-09 04:05 am (UTC)I'm so ready for more!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-09 04:59 pm (UTC)Yes, Hisoka sure did, didn't he?
Thanks for reading~!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-24 01:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-24 04:09 am (UTC)^__~ Enjoy your stay.